Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
