I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
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I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
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I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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