After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
