I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
