that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
