her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
