you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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