My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
