I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
