There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize