BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
