i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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