Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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