he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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