Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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