There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
