Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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