Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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