last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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