sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
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