How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
