the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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