who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
