So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The beers last night were like the tears from god
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
