1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
