Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
