I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
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At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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