so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
