no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
