in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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