I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
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