I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Panties = found
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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