He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
