i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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