But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
