i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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