I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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