there were more penises there than on chat roulette
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
