We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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