how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Randomize
