There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
