can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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