Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
