I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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