AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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