As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
