i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
