Apparently you make a good broom.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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