I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
