You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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