well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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