the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
