Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
zippers are such a cool invention
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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