I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize