Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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