he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
