): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
