heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
