I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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