She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
