My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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