I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
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