I think I am morally bankrupt
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
50% drunk capacity currently
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
