i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
