He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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